Specialness ...

I always wanted to be special.  That's the nature of me.  The message that there is no one who could be special was abhorrent to me!  And so I made this message into something special!  Of course I did, what else was could I do!?

I can never be prepared for being no one, for being a nobody, it's unimaginable for me.

This message isn't about becoming a no one, about becoming free from my self.  That would be really special, wouldn't it!?  No, this message is suggesting there is no self. This is the end of the possibility of specialness for me.  The impossibility of becoming! The me doesn't die, I never was, nothing was ever mine.  In the seeming absence of me there is no knowing of an absence.  It's obvious that everything I had is lost .. but nothing has been lost, and that nothing could be lost.  It's very obvious that nothing is absent, that life is whole, and that all there is is this.

Nothing is special, and so everything is special .. just this miraculous ordinariness.

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